Alcohol Dependency: A Personal Journey to Recovery

Kohdi Rayne
2 min readFeb 16, 2024

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Alcohol dependency is a struggle that many face daily, often misunderstood by those around them.

It’s a struggle that I, too, have experienced firsthand. I was a high-functioning alcoholic, a term that is often misconstrued. It’s important to understand that high-functioning alcoholics don’t drink to get drunk; in fact, most alcoholics don’t. In my case, I drank to act sober.

Without alcohol in my system, I was left shaking, unable to eat, sleep, think, or even manage day-to-day activities like driving, working, or shopping. The harsh reality was, I needed at least 15 shots in my body to feel relatively normal.

This dependency is what led me to recognize that I was in a relationship with alcohol. That’s not an easy realization to come to, nor is it easy to admit. But admitting it is the first step towards recovery. The misconception is that the severity of alcoholism is measured by the amount consumed.

Some might think, “I’m not that bad of an alcoholic because I don’t need 15 shots, I just need six beers.” This, however, isn’t the case. The crux of addiction lies not in the quantity but in the dependency.

Whether you’re addicted to taking 30 shots or have the same dependency on 8 drinks, an addiction is an addiction, and a dependency is a dependency. It does not matter the amount of alcohol you’re consuming. In my case, I was doing 33 shots of physical damage with a 100% addiction.

That’s different than someone doing eight beers of damage with 100% addiction. The damage is not what leads to addiction; it’s the continuance, the unchanging habits.

Overcoming alcohol dependency is an ongoing journey, one that I continue to navigate through at Beyond Sober. Seeking help and support was one of the most important steps I took towards recovery. There are many resources available for those who find themselves in a similar situation, like Sober Not Sober. You’re not alone in your struggle. There’s help available and recovery is possible.

As I leave you with these thoughts, I invite you to explore your relationship with alcohol and seek help if you need it. Remember, any addiction or dependency is not a measure of your worth or strength. It’s a hurdle to overcome, and there’s no shame in asking for help to do so.

K O H D I | Beyond Sober

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Kohdi Rayne

I’m an ex-alcoholic and liver failure survivor actively helping the world recover from toxic habits and design a life they love to live.